Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Column Archives

November 2017: The Stronger Sex

Posted on November 11, 2017 at 8:05 PM

Before I begin my story, let me just say that I come from a long line of suffering people. Victims of the holocaust, untimely loss of loved ones and a series of unfortunate events, as they say, is in my legacy. Apparently, this has afforded my people a wicked sense of humor. The ability to laugh through, above and beyond our sorrows.

We wept for days, weeks and months when we lost our parents and two of our siblings as openly and loudly as we shrieked with laughter…at the funeral home, at the gravesite and in the hospitals we commandeered as we held vigils. It’s in our DNA.

With that said, I have thought a lot about the recent accusations and admissions of sexual harassment, abuse and assault that is dominating the news. The film industry. Government. Sports. No one and nothing is exempt. Women and a few men got woke and are coming out in droves to tell their stories. I will leave it to others wiser and more schooled to analyze the reasons and offer thoughtful plans for what needs to be done to stop this insanity. I can’t help but wonder “what if?”

What’s in a Name? – Never name a building after someone who’s still alive. They have time to go bad on you. Wait until the donor has been dead for at least 10 years and only after there has been a thorough background check. Nothing is worse than naming a college football stadium after a Heisman Trophy winner only to have him murder his ex-wife and her friend.  Or something like that.  “The Harvey Weinstein School of Drama” is sure to go down in flames with the “Madoff School of Economics” and “The Weiner Ethics Institute.”

Sex in the City, State and Federal Government – Let’s go back to the good old days when members of the three branches of government were one sex. Only turn it on its head and restrict service to only females. Then, we can get on with the business of running our country instead of fighting criminal charges. Naturally, this isn’t completely fool proof. I’m sure if you search hard and long, you may eventually find one woman who may have whipped open her tattered chenille robe in front of a troop of boy scouts and yelled, “Hold my martini! Time to earn a new badge, boys!”

Good Gals – Remake every great movie with a female cast to preserve our classics for eternity no matter who rots like an old avocado. Joe Pesci, Robert DeNiro and Ray Liotta can be replaced with Melissa McCarthy, Helen Mirren and Cher. Can you just see Melissa now?

“These jeans make me look fat?! Fat how? I mean, fat like I'm a cow? I'm here for you to flippin' judge?! How da eff am I fat? What da frack is so fat about me? Tell me! Tell me what's fat?!”

She then kicks off her spanks, wraps it around his neck and chokes him out.

Cool Hand Lucy – Jodie Foster, Gal Gadot and Lucy Lui find themselves on the wrong side of the law and end up on a chain gang in Texas. We open to a thong-clad Channing Tatum become a human chamois as he sloshes over his car that he just happened to park along side the gang swinging hoes in the middle of nowhere. Gadot walks up to him, slaps him in the face with his own rag, hands him her rake and says, “Do something useful and finish my row, pretty boy!”

Later, back at camp, bored and frustrated, the prisoners stage a competition of two pregnant inmates. Lui wins by giving birth to twins, 10-lbs each, with no epidural, while tweeting. She’s back at work the next morning with a double baby Bjorn strapped on as she whacks those weeds.

So, what if? Can good things come of bad things that happened long ago? What if? Maybe if we believe. What if we start by believing those women like we believe those little boys?

And I don’t know about you, but I think it would be awesome to see Hallie Berry kicking ass at a white supremacist’s rally screaming, ‘I’ll be Black!”

-30-

Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

641 Comments

Reply Markthund
1:40 AM on November 21, 2022 
order furosemide
Reply Miclovest
5:55 PM on November 20, 2022 
dapoxetine 10 mg
Reply kiwiple
2:17 AM on November 20, 2022 
p2 s925 ale 58 barcelona 5 sergio home youth kids child short sleeves 2016 2017 club soccer jerseys mens pink football jersey nike air max 1 og anniversary red moncler everest down jacket
kiwiple http://www.kiwiple.com/
Reply Nickthund
9:47 PM on November 19, 2022 
buy zithromax online fast shipping
Reply Darryljot
7:22 PM on November 19, 2022 
generic cipro canadian pharmacy price of vardenafil allopurinol india citalopram 10mg coupon medication neurontin 300 mg online pharmacy 365 pills medicine trazodone
Reply saulamchic
4:44 PM on November 19, 2022 
houston oilers fitted 1890 tea gown rei lone peak womens vivienne westwood bridal gowns matt barnes jersey warriors moss 20 bills
saulamchic http://www.saulamchic.com/
Reply dokanmela
2:15 PM on November 19, 2022 
red bottom running shoes adidas golf shoes tour moncler mens black puffer jacket michael kors genuine leather crossbody handbags & purses male fairy costume adidas zx 2k boost intersport
dokanmela http://www.dokanmela.com/
Reply Janethund
12:36 PM on November 18, 2022 
cheapest pharmacy canada
Reply Kiathund
8:33 AM on November 18, 2022 
propecia cream
Reply esndental
4:41 AM on November 17, 2022 
new air jordan 7 gs black pink shoes elite brandon williams womens jersey baltimore ravens 98 home purple nfl free trainer 3.0 all grey red uk air jordan spizike black white infrared womens red bottoms elite tom brady mens jersey new england patriots c patch 12 alternate red nfl
esndental http://www.esndental.com/
Reply EstebanKnilm
7:27 PM on November 16, 2022 
colchicine over the counter australia
Reply Suethund
1:18 PM on November 16, 2022 
finasteride dutasteride
Reply projoust
5:24 AM on November 16, 2022 
blue air jordan 1 mid lifeproof samsung s10 plus sofia the first dress online pier one short beanie new latest fashion dress asics gold trainers
projoust http://www.projoust.com/
Reply lvdbulb
2:53 AM on November 16, 2022 
green spurs jersey faroe islands soccer jersey adidas ozweego bunny raf simons core black grey low jordan 1 the north face summit series l6 pink versace sneakers
lvdbulb http://www.lvdbulb.com/
Reply Suethund
12:49 PM on November 15, 2022 
ampicillin without prescription
Reply MichaelGauff
9:49 AM on November 15, 2022 
order colchicine canada
Reply Alanthund
8:49 AM on November 15, 2022 
21 amoxicillin 500mg capsules albuterol 117 mcg where can i buy neurontin online amoxicillin 600 mg colchicine 0.3 mg cymbalta 60 mg cheap retin a online 60 mg prozac
Reply bayandanal
12:25 PM on November 13, 2022 
plus size disney costume fc real madrid kit dream league soccer for cheap moncler jacket 2019 black rainbow nike air max uptempo 2 shoes for cheap steph curry sour patch shoes mens nfl chiefs gear for cheap
bayandanal http://www.bayandanal.com/
Reply munoso
11:33 PM on November 12, 2022 
pg5 black ops winter sporty outfits nice dressy outfits jordan mid black gym red red moncler body warmer klay thompson jersey amazon
munoso http://www.munoso.net/
Reply lebsocial
10:22 PM on November 11, 2022 
allure blush wedding dress eric cantona manchester united jersey game justin houston mens jersey kansas city chiefs 50 impact black nfl coast denim dress wholesale broncos stocking cap glorious gangsta body warmer
lebsocial http://www.lebsocial.com/