Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Column Archives

November 2017: The Stronger Sex

Posted on November 11, 2017 at 8:05 PM

Before I begin my story, let me just say that I come from a long line of suffering people. Victims of the holocaust, untimely loss of loved ones and a series of unfortunate events, as they say, is in my legacy. Apparently, this has afforded my people a wicked sense of humor. The ability to laugh through, above and beyond our sorrows.

We wept for days, weeks and months when we lost our parents and two of our siblings as openly and loudly as we shrieked with laughter…at the funeral home, at the gravesite and in the hospitals we commandeered as we held vigils. It’s in our DNA.

With that said, I have thought a lot about the recent accusations and admissions of sexual harassment, abuse and assault that is dominating the news. The film industry. Government. Sports. No one and nothing is exempt. Women and a few men got woke and are coming out in droves to tell their stories. I will leave it to others wiser and more schooled to analyze the reasons and offer thoughtful plans for what needs to be done to stop this insanity. I can’t help but wonder “what if?”

What’s in a Name? – Never name a building after someone who’s still alive. They have time to go bad on you. Wait until the donor has been dead for at least 10 years and only after there has been a thorough background check. Nothing is worse than naming a college football stadium after a Heisman Trophy winner only to have him murder his ex-wife and her friend.  Or something like that.  “The Harvey Weinstein School of Drama” is sure to go down in flames with the “Madoff School of Economics” and “The Weiner Ethics Institute.”

Sex in the City, State and Federal Government – Let’s go back to the good old days when members of the three branches of government were one sex. Only turn it on its head and restrict service to only females. Then, we can get on with the business of running our country instead of fighting criminal charges. Naturally, this isn’t completely fool proof. I’m sure if you search hard and long, you may eventually find one woman who may have whipped open her tattered chenille robe in front of a troop of boy scouts and yelled, “Hold my martini! Time to earn a new badge, boys!”

Good Gals – Remake every great movie with a female cast to preserve our classics for eternity no matter who rots like an old avocado. Joe Pesci, Robert DeNiro and Ray Liotta can be replaced with Melissa McCarthy, Helen Mirren and Cher. Can you just see Melissa now?

“These jeans make me look fat?! Fat how? I mean, fat like I'm a cow? I'm here for you to flippin' judge?! How da eff am I fat? What da frack is so fat about me? Tell me! Tell me what's fat?!”

She then kicks off her spanks, wraps it around his neck and chokes him out.

Cool Hand Lucy – Jodie Foster, Gal Gadot and Lucy Lui find themselves on the wrong side of the law and end up on a chain gang in Texas. We open to a thong-clad Channing Tatum become a human chamois as he sloshes over his car that he just happened to park along side the gang swinging hoes in the middle of nowhere. Gadot walks up to him, slaps him in the face with his own rag, hands him her rake and says, “Do something useful and finish my row, pretty boy!”

Later, back at camp, bored and frustrated, the prisoners stage a competition of two pregnant inmates. Lui wins by giving birth to twins, 10-lbs each, with no epidural, while tweeting. She’s back at work the next morning with a double baby Bjorn strapped on as she whacks those weeds.

So, what if? Can good things come of bad things that happened long ago? What if? Maybe if we believe. What if we start by believing those women like we believe those little boys?

And I don’t know about you, but I think it would be awesome to see Hallie Berry kicking ass at a white supremacist’s rally screaming, ‘I’ll be Black!”

-30-

Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

641 Comments

Reply urbaneteaco
9:52 PM on November 10, 2022 
lebron soldier 9 mens up vintage texas rangers baseball cap xbox one maxi dresses amazon india redwing super sole mlb jerseys los angeles angels of anaheim 6 david freese grey jerseys adidas nmd black white lush red for cheap
urbaneteaco http://www.urbaneteaco.com/
Reply dinkartimes
6:46 AM on November 8, 2022 
moncler jacket no hood rangers 29 adrian beltre grey road womens stitched mlb jersey christian louboutin baby girl shoes football kit for 12 year old for cheap nike air max 90 slate blue los angeles angels hat pink
dinkartimes http://www.dinkartimes.com/
Reply talkuo
1:18 AM on November 5, 2022 
timberland look alikes ray ban rb 7119 very cathy louboutin sleeveless band t shirt adidas zx 2k boost flipkart life case for iphone 11
talkuo http://www.talkuo.com/
Reply alantasarim
5:24 AM on November 4, 2022 
nike free 5.0 womens light purple tiffany blue long dress with turtleneck coach parker rivet iphone 12 max safe pandora daughter gifts nike arizona cardinals 93 calais campbell red limited womens jersey
alantasarim http://www.alantasarim.com/
Reply scpfamag
7:45 PM on November 3, 2022 
new balance 997h kids laplance moncler nike tiempo legend 8 elite black adidas all star slip on limited isaiah frey youth jersey tampa bay buccaneers 28 home red nfl
scpfamag http://www.scpfamag.com/
Reply wishpaleo
8:33 AM on November 1, 2022 
coach kat crossbody with horse and carriage print the north face mens thermoball eco triclimate jacket blue and white air force 1 high top blanc curry 2.5 azul and blanco new balance 327 winter
wishpaleo http://www.wishpaleo.com/
Reply cairnsparency
10:25 PM on October 31, 2022 
air jordan youth sneakers sabyasachi designer suits 2020 nba jerseys golden state warriors 40 harrison barnes swingman revolution 30 blue jerseys pandora outlet aurora cheap nfl items san francisco giants championship hat 80s
cairnsparency http://www.cairnsparency.com/
Reply fayamatt
3:44 AM on October 29, 2022 
moncler funnel neck jacket star wars backpack coach leopard print golf shirt coach brown and black backpack red saucer hat mf doom dunks stockx
fayamatt http://www.fayamatt.com/
Reply listerful
11:36 PM on October 28, 2022 
new york yankees hat vancouver 99 coach boxed phone clutch the north face summit series l6 salomon bindings adidas stan smith black winter
listerful http://www.listerful.com/
Reply hdcamcrew
5:59 PM on October 27, 2022 
67711 coach adidas originals lxcon trainers mens lone peak christian louboutin sandale du desert striped shirt long sleeve womens blouson sleeve wedding dress
hdcamcrew http://www.hdcamcrew.com/
Reply rupulu
8:10 PM on October 25, 2022 
moncler sotiria ysl dust bag ax paris dresses hermes ladies sneakers stiff brim boonie hat pittsburgh steelers 2020 jerseys
rupulu http://www.rupulu.com/
Reply umafiesta
8:01 AM on October 24, 2022 
party hat 1 billionaire boy outfits jordan travis scott 2020 long body warmers ladies ucla bruins basketball jersey knicks jerseys 2k21
umafiesta http://www.umafiesta.com/
Reply mersiniz
3:18 AM on October 23, 2022 
m frame replacement lenses red bottom of shoes burgundy cape dress texas rangers purple hat donkey a new day white dress michael kors jet set travel flat saffiano leather wallet
mersiniz http://www.mersiniz.com/
Reply leneuf
11:31 AM on October 22, 2022 
s20 plus case and screen protector jordan 12 low easter finish line white hat adidas crimson tint dunks nb 327 grey oak t shirt dress nordstrom
leneuf http://www.leneuf.net/
Reply Darryljot
10:41 AM on October 22, 2022 
vardenafil for sale buspar online uk terramycin 500 online baclofen 10 mg cost