Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Column Archives

Sadie Hawkins (Every) Day

Posted on February 19, 2018 at 11:10 PM

Like many others, I have been thinking about the #metoo movement.  A lot. First of all, it’s about time! But before I go further, I should disclose that I’m a 64 year old recent retiree. I was in the work force for 45 years. I’m in a 30+ marriage to my soulmate and sweetheart, Pepper. Another woman. Prior to Pepper, I dated men only and was married to a man for 15 years, which has given me a unique perspective on both sides of the aisle so to speak. Having had both a wife and a husband, I can tell you the joys and challenges of both. But that’s another story for another time.

While I probably won’t be directly affected by what happens next between men and women in the workforce or playforce, I am still very interested in what it’s going to be like now. For one, Pepper and I are parents of a 20-year-old son and an 18-year old daughter. This has me wondering. Will it be so much better for my daughter than it was for me and other women in the olden days? And on the other hand, it will be potentially worse for my son?

In my story, the world is turned on its side for the next few years—hasn’t it already been turned upside down for us? So what’s another 90 degree rotation in the big scheme of things. From now on, only girls and women can approach the opposite sex for dates, coffee, conversation, a dance, sex and any other courting rituals that have traditionally be assigned to the man or boy. Think about it. A man will no longer wonder if she is truly interested. She approached you. She asked for your phone number. She said, “Let’s have a coffee and roll! Or “Let’s have a roll in the hay!” Just don’t confuse the two. No more guessing. No more embarrassing yourself by walking across a crowded room because you thought she looked at you just a little longer than usual, only to be turned down and have to take the walk of shame back to the support beam you were holding up. How could you be so wrong? Never again.

A comedian used to say that “women are psychic. They know if youre’ going to have sex.” It’s so funny because it’s so true.

I opened with “it’s about time!” because we have seen all too well what unwanted, non-consensual sexual advancements and assault can do to a person. But I am also romantic and hope we will manage to find a way to still court one another. That my daughter will feel the thrill of hearing a guy say, “I’ve loved you since 8th grade. I was just afraid to talk to you because you were so pretty!” Or that my son may get to do do what my father did to entice the woman of his dreams.

My parents met on a crowded street in London in 1940. He was a handsome immigrant from Hungary, fleeing his homeland from the impending Nazi invasion and she an Irish beauty having left the old sod to live in a big city. My father spoke very little English but carried a small English/Hungarian dictionary with him to get by. The moment he saw her, he was smitten. He impulsively walked up to her and kissed her on the nose. She instinctively pushed him away while an English bobbie looked on, with an impish smile. My father began quickly pointing to words in his dictionary expressing his adoration and pure intentions. She walked away. Spoiler alert. The story didn’t end there.

He got a job where she worked. He moved into an apartment across the street from hers. Sounds like every RomCom on the top ten list in women’s magazines. Today, I think we would call that stalking. But it was that hopeless romantic who pursued my mother for months till she finally said “yes!’ and ended up marrying him. And, is the reason I—number seven of eight children—am here today. My son could end up in jail for doing anything similar. My daughter could miss out on the most amazing man who can only pursue her from afar. Because after all, it is only the respectable, honorable men who already avoid offending women at all costs, and who will now double down and stop doing anything that could remotely be considered harassment. It’s like the people who voluntarily take sexual harassment and anger management classes. It’s typically the ones who don’t really need it in the first place.

Even in the stone age when "I was laughing myself silly at Mary Todd Lincoln’s baby shower," as my daughter would say, we all knew the rules. You weren’t supposed to date the boss or the subordinate. A professor wasn’t supposed to date his students even though they were over 18. “Supposed to" are the magic words. People did it all the time. But we all understood right from wrong.

When Pepper and I became acquainted, we were just friends. It took me a good nine months to realize that I had feelings for her. “Those” feelings. But as any good lesbian will tell you, they would never pursue a straight woman unless she made the first move. It just isn’t done—despite what you see in Orange is the New Black. In the real world, lesbians just wouldn’t cross that line. So, I knew I had to make the first move.  I already knew she had feelings for me. That 8x10 picture of me hanging if her office was a clue.  I invited her out to dinner and I told her I had something to tell her before dropping her off at her car. We pulled in to a place for a drink. There I took a sip of my drink, which till today she swears was an amaretto sour, which I have never had in my life, but I digress. I gulped it down and said, “I’m attracted to you.” Just like in the movies, she proceeded to grab her things and got up to leave because she fully expected and heard me say, “I can’t be your friend anymore because of that lesbian thing you have.” Another spoiler alert—we ironed all that out and have been happily coupled since 1987.

Even though this was obviously brand new territory to me, I did know the rules of dating. I was 10+ years older than she. While I gave her—and myself—the green light, I took great pains to not take advantage of her youth because of my age and life experience. Young ladies can be sensitive and easily hurt, I found out very quickly. Men seemed to be used to the ups and downs of a relationship with females and just kept their heads down and repeated, “You’re right. I’m wrong.” a lot. Courting a woman was a great deal more work. She’s right and I’m wrong. A lot. Women are high maintenance. Unlike a man, who requires so little to be happy—food, sex, beer, sex, time alone, sex, TV, sex, TV and sex. So I’m throwing this out there to you young whippersnappers. If a man tried to grab me by the puss at my advanced age, first I would laugh out loud. Then, I would take a quick gander in the mirror to see if I really still had it. Then, I would punch him straight in the throat. But, that’s just me. I really have a lot of great advice for attracting and keeping a man—if you want one. The working title for my next book is “Men: I don’t want one, but if you do…” It will be chockful of tips and scenarios for catching that man and keeping him happy. As for women. I’m still perfecting that.

Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

1203 Comments

Reply alyadance
4:54 PM on February 2, 2023 
christian louboutin shoes used new york rangers nhl t shirts toronto maple leaf sweaters patriots nike gear
alyadance http://www.alyadance.net/
Reply EstebanKnilm
4:53 PM on February 2, 2023 
furosemide 40 mg without prescription
Reply profprsites
2:17 PM on February 1, 2023 
infrared 90 deandre ayton phoenix suns jersey exercise long sleeve tops mujeres roshe run negro and blanco speckled iphone 6 magnetic cover blush gown long sleeve
profprsites http://www.profprsites.com/
Reply Denthund
7:39 AM on February 1, 2023 
where can i purchase lexapro online
Reply nedaparvaz
2:09 AM on February 1, 2023 
nike kansas city chiefs jersey 76 branden albert red team color jersey youth elite nfl jersey sale liverpool fc champions hoodie classic leather mens shoes cp9685 army body warmer
nedaparvaz http://www.nedaparvaz.com/
Reply scifiindia
6:51 PM on January 31, 2023 
pandora jewelry heart necklace the hundreds hat rose 10 nike air jordan 14 black and grey nike dunk high prm sb diamond star wars hat knitting pattern new air jordan 31 red and red
scifiindia http://www.scifiindia.com/
Reply Miclovest
11:58 AM on January 31, 2023 
discount viagra online canada
Reply ericonidi
9:15 AM on January 31, 2023 
peacocks ladies clothing long frocks party wear for ladies penze moncler iphone 11 pro max pink colour patriots white on white uniforms north face puffer jacket ebay
ericonidi http://www.ericonidi.com/
Reply Miclovest
8:51 AM on January 30, 2023 
can i purchase diflucan over the counter
Reply cindenyolla
2:54 AM on January 30, 2023 
christian louboutin men slides rinne jersey nike tn air max plus worldwide white blue fury volt phone cover poco x3 nike air force red deku uptempo 96 supreme
cindenyolla http://www.cindenyolla.com/
Reply Charlescoems
2:12 AM on January 30, 2023 
can i buy misoprostol over the counter
Reply sommarbutik
9:33 PM on January 29, 2023 
air jordan 4 white cement red and red texas rangers hats cheap 90s nike air max 1 grey wolf brad pitt san diego padres hat list retro jordan 11 xi white yellow uk jordan jumpman flex cap kit
sommarbutik http://www.sommarbutik.com/
Reply osterwoche
5:22 AM on January 29, 2023 
1979 pittsburgh pirates pillbox hat nc mama oversized t shirt adidas yeezy 750 boost triple black online for cheap michael kors 2 zipper wallet cute first baby outfit long sleeve fitted polo shirts
osterwoche http://www.osterwoche.net/
Reply loanxht
9:44 PM on January 28, 2023 
oklahoma city thunder shirt no bad ideas devin flex cap childrens crochet hat pattern free red glitter chucks san francisco giants world series hat 2010 january 2017 salomon xt 6 pink
loanxht http://www.loanxht.com/
Reply tecnomagzne
2:16 PM on January 28, 2023 
how to knit a newborn stocking hat vietnamese wave inspire 14 mens adidas mexico white jacket for cheap dangri one piece dress washington nationals youth fitted hat lyrics nike air max 2012 all white for cheap
tecnomagzne http://www.tecnomagzne.com/
Reply nikknack
10:32 AM on January 28, 2023 
womens all black outfit light blue short sleeve shirt pandora rose bracelet gothic white wedding dresses bucks jersey
nikknack http://www.nikknack.com/
Reply dsis-conf
7:37 PM on January 27, 2023 
white short sleeve polo alonzo mourning swingman jersey nike air max plus premium tn hanna touring cap earned edition nba 2021 mamba focus sneakers
dsis-conf http://www.dsis-conf.net/
Reply mathewslodge
11:09 PM on January 26, 2023 
pandora jewelry heart necklace the hundreds hat rose 10 nike air jordan 14 black and grey nike dunk high prm sb diamond star wars hat knitting pattern new air jordan 31 red and red
mathewslodge http://www.mathewslodge.net/
Reply creativehauz
11:51 AM on January 26, 2023 
nike air max 2015 white pink black
creativehauz http://www.creativehauz.com/
Reply off white shoes outlet
1:38 PM on January 21, 2023 
I'm writing to let you understand of the incredible encounter my wife's princess obtained reading your blog. She came to understand a lot of pieces, most notably how it is like to have an incredible helping nature to let other folks smoothly comprehend chosen tortuous topics. You really did more than visitors' expectations. I appreciate you for giving those warm and helpful, trusted, informative and as well as cool tips on your topic to Evelyn.
off white shoes outlet http://www.offwhite-shoes.us.org