Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Column Archives

April 2019: Take a Hike!

Posted on April 5, 2019 at 11:50 PM

Nothing like a trip to the great outdoors to appreciate how small, insignificant and totally out of shape you are.

Zion National Park has been on our list of places to visit since the kids were babes. And we never let them down. It may take almost 20 years, but Pepper and I do what we promise.

While other college kids were ingesting alcohol through plastic tubes in various orifices on sunny beaches, Cory and Shea agreed to go on a family trip with their mothers.

“Follow the paths where ancient native people and pioneers walked. Gaze up at massive sandstone cliffs of cream, pink, and red that soar into a brilliant blue sky. Experience wilderness in a narrow slot canyon. Zion’s unique array of plants and animals will enchant you as you absorb the rich history of the past and enjoy the excitement of present day adventures.”

To me, “follow the path,” was a suggestion. And, at that, something we could do with our fingers on a map posted on the wall of Lonny Boy’s Barbecue restaurant. But our young, healthy, fit kids had other ideas.

“We’ll start out easy,” Cory assured us. “Then you can see how much you can do.”

Pepper and I walked from the bedroom of the cabin to the kitchen.

“OK,” I said. “When’s lunch?”

Before you could say “LewisandClark!” we were marching up a hill surrounded by those massive sandstone cliffs of cream, pink, and red with strangers from all over the world.

Pepper’s lung condition gave her a sweet pass.

“I’ll be here with the hot cocoa when you get back.”

“What about me?” I thought I said under my breath.

“It’s only about a mile or so in, Mama,” Shea said. “You can do it!”

“Yes. Yes, I can! Where do we board the tram?”

They thought I was kidding.

Surprisingly, I actually made it in--and back out. But, there was one wild moment when I was considering building a lean-to for the night, roasting one of those unique animals on a spit over a fire till dawn.

We had that hot drink and a beautiful dinner. I figured this would be all out of their system by day two. But, apparently, they caught Zion Spotted Fever and wanted more and bigger. The “narrow slot canyon” was not a casino as I had hoped. This was “The Narrows” everyone was talking about.

“For tourist and casual hikers…” said Joe the Hiker.

Joe the Hiker? He didn’t even have a last name. Why are we trusting him? A hike that requires changing into a uniform tells me this is more than casual. The kids stuffed themselves like sausages into one-piece rubber suits, neoprene socks and water proof boots. Each was issued special walking sticks aligned with their height.

“Take a good look at me,” I said to the hiking “specialist” by day and debutante/internet influencer by night. “Do you think I can actually do this?”

Her face contorted into the entire emoticon selection before she settled on “Yeah, no.”

At first, I was confused. Did she say “yeah?” or “no?” But Cory and Shea shaking their heads told me everything I needed to know. I was so happy. I picked her up and twirled her like a baton around the store for a few minutes till I saw the kids making a hasty exit.

Cory and Shea decided that I could at least walk them to the spot where the water appeared. The expression “died and gone to heaven” had new meaning. The scenery was magical and heavenly. But my heart beating outside my chest had little to do with the awe I was feeling and was a little too close to the “died” than I wanted.

“Cory, do you see any defibrillators anywhere?”

“No,” he quipped. “No wine tasting carts or vending machines either.”

“Some vacation!” I wrote in the dirt with a stick, since I couldn’t breathe.

I insisted on “taking in the view” and “snapping once-in-a-lifetime pics.” Anything to pause along the way without calling to much attention to my pathetic condition.

“Shea, darling?” I asked as I dragged my aging chassis up the next bend. “Do you hear Negro spirituals right now?”

“No, Mama.” she grinned.

“No one calling, ‘Go Down Moses…’”

“Yeah, no,” she replied.

When we got to the signs that said, “Danger! Flashflood area! “Enter at your Own Risk!” and “Feeling Lucky, punk?” I knew it was time for me to turn heel and get back down to terra firma.

What was “sick!” “rad!” and “dope!” for the young’ins, who turned up beaten, battered and beaming six hours later, was a bit challenging for Big Mama.

It occurred to me that taking advice about what I can handle from Xtreme gamers was probably not the best choice. “Casual” or “basic” or “easy” are all relative terms. Me? I like visuals. Universal signs work best for me. I made my own chart of hikes and levels of difficulty. I will suggest Utah dress these up a bit and utilize them for those like me yet to come. Till then, happy trails to everyone else.


Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

7897 Comments

Reply fear of god
6:20 AM on November 26, 2022 
I must show some thanks to you just for bailing me out of this type of setting. After exploring throughout the the web and seeing views which are not beneficial, I figured my entire life was well over. Existing without the presence of answers to the difficulties you have fixed all through the blog post is a serious case, and the ones which could have negatively damaged my entire career if I hadn't noticed your web blog. Your main training and kindness in dealing with a lot of stuff was crucial. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had not encountered such a solution like this. I am able to at this point look forward to my future. Thanks for your time so much for the professional and sensible help. I won't think twice to recommend your blog post to anyone who should receive support on this subject matter.
fear of god http://www.fearofgodoutlet.com
Reply travis scott jordan
6:20 AM on November 26, 2022 
I simply needed to say thanks yet again. I do not know the things I would have accomplished in the absence of the points documented by you over this area. Completely was a very alarming issue in my position, but witnessing this specialised form you managed that forced me to jump with gladness. I'm just happy for this information and then wish you recognize what a great job you happen to be carrying out educating many others through the use of your web page. Probably you haven't encountered all of us.
travis scott jordan http://www.jordantravisscott.com
Reply kd shoes
6:20 AM on November 26, 2022 
I must point out my love for your kind-heartedness supporting visitors who must have guidance on this study. Your real commitment to passing the message all around was astonishingly powerful and have enabled men and women like me to attain their dreams. Your amazing warm and friendly key points indicates a lot to me and somewhat more to my office workers. With thanks; from each one of us.
kd shoes http://www.kevindurantshoes.us.com
Reply fear of god outlet
6:19 AM on November 26, 2022 
My husband and i were very comfortable that Raymond managed to conclude his web research from the precious recommendations he obtained from your site. It's not at all simplistic to simply possibly be giving away information which often the others could have been making money from. And now we take into account we need the blog owner to thank for that. The most important explanations you have made, the straightforward site menu, the friendships you will make it easier to promote - it's got many awesome, and it's letting our son and us do think the subject is entertaining, and that is extraordinarily serious. Thanks for the whole lot!
fear of god outlet http://www.fearofgod.us.com
Reply Elwoodmek
5:52 AM on November 26, 2022 
url=http://pharmacies.monster/ says...
online pharmacy pain
Reply salnunz
12:13 AM on November 26, 2022 
cotton on womens graphic tees mens nike dallas cowboys 57 victor butler limited navy blue team color nfl jersey sale chicago white sox flex fit hats timeline nike blazers blu and grigio cute outfits for 9 year olds winter
salnunz http://www.salnunz.com/
Reply Darryljot
6:50 PM on November 25, 2022 
url=http://cialis365.com/ says...
how to get cheap tadalafil online
url=http://albuterolv.online/ says...
proair albuterol sulfate where to buy
url=http://zofran.icu/ says...
where can you buy zofran
url=http://buyfildena.life/ says...
fildena usa
url=http://modafinilb.online/ says...
modafinil otc
url=http://buylipitor.life/ says...
lipitor 20 mg pill
Reply supreme new york
5:06 PM on November 25, 2022 
Thanks so much for giving everyone a very breathtaking chance to check tips from this website. It is always very pleasurable plus packed with fun for me personally and my office fellow workers to visit your site no less than thrice in 7 days to read through the new secrets you have. And lastly, I am also at all times amazed concerning the tremendous guidelines you give. Some 4 points in this posting are unequivocally the simplest we have all had.
supreme new york http://www.supreme-newyork.us.org
Reply supreme new york
5:06 PM on November 25, 2022 
I and my friends appeared to be examining the best points located on the blog and so the sudden got a terrible suspicion I had not thanked the blog owner for those techniques. The boys are already absolutely passionate to read all of them and now have absolutely been making the most of them. I appreciate you for indeed being quite considerate and for using these kinds of awesome subject areas most people are really wanting to be informed on. Our sincere regret for not saying thanks to sooner.
supreme new york http://www.supremeclothingstore.com
Reply adidas yeezy
5:06 PM on November 25, 2022 
I wish to express appreciation to you for rescuing me from this type of scenario. Just after scouting through the the net and seeing strategies which are not pleasant, I was thinking my life was gone. Existing minus the strategies to the difficulties you have sorted out all through your good website is a serious case, and ones that could have adversely affected my career if I had not discovered your web page. Your good know-how and kindness in taking care of all the stuff was helpful. I don't know what I would've done if I had not discovered such a step like this. I am able to at this point look ahead to my future. Thank you very much for this impressive and result oriented guide. I won't hesitate to endorse the sites to any individual who would like guidelines about this matter.
adidas yeezy http://www.adidasyeezyboost350.us.com
Reply golden goose sneakers
5:05 PM on November 25, 2022 
I am glad for writing to make you be aware of what a perfect discovery my wife's daughter developed browsing yuor web blog. She picked up a good number of pieces, which include what it is like to have an incredible giving mood to have other folks very easily gain knowledge of certain complex subject matter. You actually did more than readers' expected results. Thanks for providing these warm and helpful, dependable, revealing and also unique guidance on the topic to Mary.
golden goose sneakers http://www.goldengoosesneakerssale.us.com
Reply golden goose
5:05 PM on November 25, 2022 
I have to show my thanks to this writer just for bailing me out of such a situation. As a result of researching throughout the the web and finding ways that were not helpful, I figured my entire life was gone. Being alive minus the strategies to the problems you've fixed as a result of your good review is a crucial case, as well as ones that could have in a wrong way affected my entire career if I hadn't encountered the blog. Your main understanding and kindness in handling everything was vital. I am not sure what I would've done if I hadn't discovered such a step like this. I can also at this point look ahead to my future. Thank you very much for this reliable and sensible help. I won't be reluctant to endorse the website to any person who needs to have counselling about this subject.
golden goose http://www.ggdb.us.com
Reply MichaelIMill
3:05 PM on November 25, 2022 
url=https://tetracyclinewithoutprescription.com/ says...
generic tetracycline
Reply MichaelGauff
9:59 AM on November 25, 2022 
url=http://levitratab.shop/ says...
how much is levitra in canada
Reply bape
2:51 AM on November 25, 2022 
I and my pals have been checking the best key points found on your web site and so suddenly came up with an awful suspicion I never expressed respect to the blog owner for those tips. All the ladies are already certainly excited to read through them and have in effect clearly been making the most of these things. Many thanks for actually being so kind and for utilizing this form of incredibly good guides millions of individuals are really eager to be informed on. My personal sincere regret for not expressing appreciation to sooner.
bape http://www.bape.us.org
Reply a bathing ape
2:51 AM on November 25, 2022 
I would like to get across my affection for your generosity supporting persons who need guidance on the concern. Your very own commitment to getting the message all through had become extremely interesting and have truly allowed men and women much like me to reach their endeavors. Your entire invaluable useful information can mean a great deal to me and a whole lot more to my fellow workers. Thanks a lot; from all of us.
a bathing ape http://www.bape-clothing.us
Reply off white outlet
2:51 AM on November 25, 2022 
I want to get across my appreciation for your kindness in support of those people that actually need help with the study. Your real commitment to getting the solution along had been extraordinarily invaluable and have continuously empowered guys much like me to reach their ambitions. The valuable report implies a whole lot to me and especially to my peers. Best wishes; from everyone of us.
off white outlet http://www.offwhites.us.com
Reply yeezy boost 700
2:51 AM on November 25, 2022 
I am glad for commenting to let you understand what a brilliant discovery my wife's princess had reading through the blog. She even learned several details, including how it is like to have a very effective helping character to let men and women with no trouble know certain complex things. You really surpassed readers' desires. I appreciate you for delivering such insightful, trustworthy, educational as well as easy tips on this topic to Mary.
yeezy boost 700 http://www.yeezy-700.com
Reply supreme new york
2:51 AM on November 25, 2022 
I have to point out my gratitude for your kindness giving support to individuals who absolutely need guidance on this one topic. Your real commitment to getting the solution all around had been rather functional and have really helped most people like me to arrive at their pursuits. Your own warm and friendly recommendations entails so much a person like me and even more to my fellow workers. Thanks a lot; from everyone of us.
supreme new york http://www.supremes.us.org
Reply off white
2:40 AM on November 25, 2022 
Thank you for all of your effort on this site. My mum take interest in doing research and it's really easy to understand why. Most of us learn all regarding the dynamic means you provide efficient things via this blog and encourage response from the others on this area then our own princess is undoubtedly learning a lot of things. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the new year. You are doing a good job.
off white http://www.off-whiteclothing.us.org